“I don’t drink, or spit, or smoke, or chew – or go with any girls that do.”
This used to be the joke line with my buddies in college. I didn’t know it back then, but this little line had a lot of theology in it. This pun was all about the kind of Pharisee-brainwashing we were taught. In short, it was a light way of saying, “We don’t do anything wrong, and don’t associate with people who do.”
I never believed I was perfect. Hell no. I never even claimed it, or considered it to be a possibility this side of heaven. But I acted like it because that’s what I was supposed to do.
This stuff is hard to talk about. No, it’s not because it’s all emotional and crap. It’s hard to talk about because it’s so foreign and out there that trying to explain the kind of conservative christian environment of which I speak is like trying to explain the ins-and-outs of a wacky culture someplace on the other side of the world. Then again, it’s not on the other side of the world. These people almost have a church in every town. They have schools and colleges, seminaries and universities, scattered throughout the country. It would be a lot better if I was talking about a different culture that would never affect us, but I’m not.
I’m talking about the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist movement.
I wrote a post a long time ago which asked whether this group was a cult or not. I covered a few dark points, which I plan to do a lot of talking about on this blog later on.
What got me thinking about this stuff all of a sudden? Well – a lot of things. I met with a friend the other night on Facebook. We talked a bit about God. Honestly – this was the most fellowship I’ve had in a long, long time. We talked about our shared experiences in fundamentalism, and how we’ve been blessed beyond all measure since leaving all that stuff.
I’m always writing of the spiritual wilderness I’m wandering around in. Talking with one Christian friend is literally like drinking an ice-cold bottle in the shade of a weeping willow. The sand’s still in my boots. The sun’s still out there. Even though this water is just a little bit, it’s somehow refreshing enough to get me to keep going.
Since leaving fundamentalism, those I consider friends who used to be there for me, to talk to about God and stuff, have kind of stopped talking to me. Lots of people I used to really appreciate have kind of abandoned me.
No, abandoned is a strong word.
Perhaps it’s out of fear they don’t like talking much anymore. They are afraid that looking at the Gospel in different lights will somehow lead someplace different. They are afraid of leaving their traditions, and their judgments. That’s a harsh statement too, but it’s what I want to say.
Perhaps they are afraid of not knowing. It’s so convenient to say there’s a perfect guide that contains all the answers. God will give all the answers. God will always let you know exactly which choice to make in every circumstance. Your feelings will betray you, but there will always be a path if you read the Bible enough.
It’s hard to confess that all the answers aren’t there.
There’s some things that are giant question marks in our lives. There are lots of things about church, or Calvinism, tongues, and a whole bunch of stuff which simply doesn’t have a specific answer in the Bible. There are lots of things that the Bible doesn’t prepare us for. It’s OK to not know.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with walking into a new land without a map. God told us to come this way.
There’s a strange certainty in the traditions of fundamentalism. Everything is absolute. Everything is solid, and ruthlessly black and white. Sin is sin and that’s that, and anybody who questions their own hearts must instantly be labeled Holy-Spirit-less.
The problem isn’t with the Bible. It covers a whole bunch of stuff. It is true, and from God. But, there’s a lot of stuff that God never talked to us about. There’s a bunch of things in this life that the Bible isn’t clear or specific about. The Bible is not a final authority. It’s a starting ground – a Book to approach the world with. It’s a tool that we can use that has ALL the basics, with some advanced studies on the side. But it’s also not the end.
The problem isn’t with the Bible. It’s with us.
Once we get that, and understand that, we can start walking this road of faith. We can head out from the place called Jerusalem, and go into the unknown – the uttermost. We can take the little Book with us, the bits of basic teaching, and use them to turn the world upside down. We can take those teachings, the foundations, and share them with others – and spread the Kingdom.
The Bible is a place to start. But God doesn’t want our conversation with Him to end with this Book. He wants us to start there, and continue talking with Him. He wants to talk to us, and share blessings with us. He wants to interact with us on a daily basis – moving like a fire inside us.
It’s because of this that I’m out here, wandering around in this wilderness of misfits – of spiritual outcasts. I’ve been told to travel this way. I’ve been led all the way out here.
Please, if you’re a fundamentalist, or whatever, don’t just stop talking to people like me when we start questioning our beliefs. Don’t separate from us or cut us off. It’s hard out here, and feeling abandoned by friends makes it that much worse.
If you’re that friend I talked to the other night, thanks. You’ll probably never know how much a little conversation meant, but it meant a lot. I know I’m not alone this far in the wilderness. I know there are others who have been told to come this way too.
Filed under: Recklessly Wandering
